Mental Health

Mr Sandman, bring me a dream…

I’ll admit it – I have been pretty rubbish with this whole blogging venture so far. I finish work for the day and think to myself “Right, I’ll try and upload another blog post tonight.” and then it doesn’t happen. This is either because a) I can’t think of anything to blog about, or b) by the time I’ve actually sat down for the evening my body decides it’s time for night-nights and heads off to sleepy land (much to the annoyance of Mr C who spends literally ages trying to wake me up again).

I’m so bad when it comes to sleep. Well, not ‘bad’ as such. I sleep really well, but fall asleep so easily which can be highly frustrating when all I want to do is put my feet up and watch a film with the other half. It’s rare that I can actually watch a whole film without falling asleep at some point throughout it…

I did actually get tested to see if there was a reason for my mega sleepiness, but everything came back fine and the GP said it was probably due to a mixture of my diabetes and depression.

For years I’ve battled with mild depression and anxiety problems that I wish would just disappear, but unfortunately life is not that easy! I’ve had counselling sessions for the depression but personally I felt these weren’t for me. I just didn’t feel like I could open up to a stranger about why I feel the way I do. I mean, how do you explain to someone that you simply DON’T KNOW why you’re feeling down?! This is just me!!

Some days I feel absolutely fine, happy as Larry, then bam! I feel like crap and just want to curl up in a ball and hide away until I feel ‘normal’ again. It literally is like flipping a switch between moods. Luckily, what I go through is only mild compared to others out there who have to deal with a lot worse.

As for anxiety, that just makes me worry about the most daft things and sometimes I really struggle with last minute plans.

“I’ve had no time to mentally prepare for this, how dare you!!”

Even little things like going to the shops on my own is a big deal for me. It may sound ridiculous, but it just fills me with pure dread if I have to step into a supermarket on my lonesome. There’s this feeling of worry that something’s going to go wrong or that I won’t be able to spit my words out properly and I’ll just look like a baffled mess. This sometimes leads to me forgetting to buy things as I’m in such a rush to get out of the store… Cue annoyed Melissa. Once I get back into my car I feel relieved. It’s like stepping back into my own little cocoon before I begin my journey back home. Back home to my man where I can steal a great big cuddle…

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Melissa x

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